Marriage

Marriage.

Lahhh lepas 5 tahun buat comeback terus topic berat ek😆 

Just another random thought time time pukul 1 pagi ni. 

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A 15 years old me would probably disappointed (or happy?) if she knows that this 28 years old girl version of her havent married yet.

The one who once said, "by 25, I MUST GET MARRIED. BY 26, YOU MUST HAVE A KID OF YOURS. MAKING YOUR PARENTS A GRANDPARENT."

Little that she knows, her 28 version of her still standing here.

Alone. Figuring what life is.

Figuring which countries she wanna go next.

Which license she wanna take after the diving license.

Figuring how to make her teaching life better.

Figuring how to tepis all the gossips people make about her just because she's talking to her man colleagues

Finding her lost sparks.

Figuring when she's gonna go for Nevis Swing🤭

This 28years old version of her is still alone.

With not even a slight blurry view of her jodoh.

With not even marriage in her mind.

Haha. Funny.

My 15years old would probably sees marriage as one of her achievement when she grew up.

But, her current 28th didnt even put marriage as part of her life goal. Not even close.

"Kenapa tak kahwin lagi?"

"Imah takde boyfriend ke?"

"Nak akak kenalkan dengan anak kawan akak tak?"

"Mah, ibu baba nak menantuu."

And all sorts of questions regarding jodoh.

Am I that blunt and blind to see all this? Am I that nonchalant when it comes to jodoh? Am I that feelingless when it comes to man?

The truth is I am in the phase yang 'aku nak, tapi malas pikir.' Haha

I am just at the phase where I put everything on HIM.

I fall everything on HIM.

I dont wanna think. I dont wanna act.

I dont wanna expect anything.

I just.... dont wanna get hurt...

Sumpah malas pikirr when it come to marriage.

Siapa nak saya, meh laa jumpa baba. Kita pm tepi. Haa gitu😂

Deep down... these are things I used to think and ask myself..

Do I wanna have my own family? Yes.

Do I wanna hold my own child? Of course.

Do I wanna feel the kick from inside of my stomach? YES.

Do I wanna have someone reliable to share my life with? A big yes.

Do I have a bit of jealousy seeing my friends started having their own little cute family? Yes. Sometimes. When the loneliness hits.

Do I have a vision of man that I want? Yes.

But, do I brave enough to approach man? No.

Do I wanna marrying just anyone just to feel the void? NO.

For me, life is much more than a man. Life has so much things to be taken for and be grateful for. But, I do wanna build my own family one day. In shaa Allah. If Allah will. 

I want a reliable man. Who will help without being asked.

A responsible man. 

The man who can lead cause I am still a struggling muslim.

The calm man. Soft spoken cause I am sensitive😌 

The one that when I see, my eyes would lit.

The one that is the calm to my storm. someone who completes me in every way, who can lead, who is responsible, who is the calm to my storm, who can accept every of my flaws, who can manage my strength without feeling insecure... who is kind and good to my loved ones and people around me.. who is the best for me in Allah's words.. who can help me being a better servant, wife, and mom?

Sounds heavy right? Tinggi betul standard perempuan ni😂 Tapi sebenarnya, I just want a man who brings me peace. Not another pain to deal with...

In the mean time, I will just wait for his sign, live my life to the fullest. And wait for that bravest man who is going to shake hand with my baba saying the akad. Cepat sikit ek kumpul keberanian tu sebelum saya 30 tahun. Please ek🤣 #nekannekan

So, where is that bravest man? 😛

Positive COVID19 experience - Covid is HELL

 Assalamualaikum

Henlu everyone. Long time no see. hehe. It is almost 3 months dah kan kita masuk 2022. and now pun kes covid dah jejak 30k. Scary.

Wah intro dia. haha

So, I was confirmed positive Covid at the end of february haritu; on 25th February 2022. My brother was the first one who got it. He went for a football match and turned out that one of his team members tu positive. 

On 22/2/2022, my brother was having a fever. he asked for medicine from my mom. Then, baba suruh dia buat test. sebab risau laa kan, ramai kot kat rumah tu if anything happen. So, the result showed double line. Then, takpelaa. He quarantined himself in his room.

I kat sekolah masa ibu bagitau tu. Lagi laa cuak sebab ingat I yang pembawa sebab my school ada positive cases everyday. Ada yang in one day tu sampai 4 kes positive kat sekolah. So, I takut laa I yang punca Ibid positive. Tapi, rupanya dia dapat dari main bola. hehe.

me selfie-ing at school without knowing my brother was positive at home.

Walaupun tengahari tu ibid yang hantar gi sekolah, saya masih rileks. hahaa

Pastu, on 24th malam tu, I tiba-tiba sakit tekak lepas masakkan nasi goreng for my family. It was different tau dengan sakit tekak biasa. dia macam mana ek nak explain... hmm.. biasanya, kalau sakit tekak, kita gradually kan rasa sakit dia. tapi, yang ni, dia memang terus sakit and perit kat tekak. I dah cuak laa sebab I kan dekat-dekat with my parents. So, I decided to quarantine myself. Pastu, the next day, I buat test. Negative. Lepas buat test tu, I gi laa mandi. Pastu, saja laa nak tengok balik. Tiba-tiba dah double line. but, the second line tu very blurrr tau. I pun macam tak sure sebab it turned to double line tu after 30 mins. Which is supposedly tak valid laa kan. Then, I decided to quarantine je laa since I pun dah start demam that day. 

me and my bestfriend; coolfever. :p

Then, 26th tu, pukul 4 pagi, I terbangun. My body was sooooooo hot. and I was shivering af. I pun dah tak sedap hati. I buat test laa pukul 4 pagi tu, and it turned out positive. Maka, bermulalah quarantine sampai 4th of March.

the only positivity that makes me dissapointed. hahaha.

from this to this real quick. hahaha.

I was in CAT2B ke CAT3 gitu. Tak ingat. sebab I ada asthma and my symptoms are all moderate. I was suffering from sore throat, fever, flu, cough, kahak, asthma. and even my oxygen level pun drop until 92%. I SWEAR IT WAS SO HARD TO BREATHE AND I SUMPAH RASA CAM NAK MATI. SEBAB TAK CUKUP OXYGEN.

I got call and texts from KKM asking me to go to CAC or nearest hospital if emergency. tapi I tak pergi laa sebab I malas. I guna my own inhaler je. Even up until now pun, even I dah habis quarantined, my oxygen still drop to 90% lagi every single day. Sedih.

Everyday texts by KKM. they even called me. haha.

These are the compilations of my oxygen level every single day even up until now ya. hmm

I swear you will never want to experience this. Bayangkan I terbangun pukul 3 pagi sebab I tercungap-cungap. Then, I check my oxygen, it was only 92%!!! I swear I rasa dah hujung-hujung je time tu.

I even STILL experiencing the symptoms up until now ya rakan-rakan.

Another one kan, on my last day of quarantine, my mom pulak positive. YA. LAST DAY. but alhamdulillah she was only experiencing mild symptoms like sore throat and dizziness je. Her oxygen pun okay. Alhamdulillah. Moral of the story, please quarantine yourself until the end of quarantine periods. cause we never know. Kita tak nampak ya virus tu.

At the same time my grandparents kat segamat pun positive. I nak nangis. My grandmother was in CAT 4. Her oxygen was dropped to 88% and dr also said that her heart has some problems. So, she was admitted to be monitored by doctor. but, Alhamdulillah she is getting a lot lot lot lot better now. Atok abah pulak okay je. Just mild symptoms. and other family members; my uncle, aunty and cousins yang positive pun alhamdulillah okay. Not serious. Just CAT 1 and CAT2A je.

what I did during my quarantine. playing with eyeliner and eating fruits. haha.

AND I GOT THIS ON MY 4TH DAY OF QUARANTINED!! (nangis)

So, to you, who are reading this up until this point, hehe. Please take care of yourself. like, really really really take a good care of yourself and your family. I really wish and pray that none of you or your family members will experience this beast. Cause COVID is HELL. So, please take care of yourself, follow SOP, if you haven't got your vaccine, please go and get yours. If you are healthy (not having any health problem) and haven't got your booster shot, please go and get yours. Sekarang pun dah bnyak tempat boleh walk in. Kita jaga diri kita sama-sama okie. hehe.

Tu je laa kot I nak bebel harini. see u in the next entry! muahh.

Thank you for reading this entry!

New Journey - A teacher.

 Assalamualaikum

It has been awhile. banyak betul hutang entry ni. tapi takde masa nak write everything. so, let's start this 2022's entry with this new life transition of mine. haha.

 I was interviewed by SPP on 22/09/2021. the questions were tough. but guess what? I DID IT!!

me after my interview. lepas interview baru mampu makan.

kalau tak, rasa nak muntah. nervous. haha.

the team.

And received the result for the interview on 25th Nov 2021. the result...... 

 

I DID IT! I EXCELL IN MY SPP'S INTERVIEW GENK!!!! 

and that's me when I received the news. haha

on 28th December 2021, I received my posting news. I am being posted to a school in Kulai. and dah lapor diri at 3rd of January haritu. alhamdulillah. 

it is stillll too overwhelming for me to accept all theseee. tak tau nak rasa apa. I will always be the one yang alwaysssss anxious whenever there is a transition in my life. apatah lagi this kind of transition. from a little girl to A TEACHER? like, seriously? still unprepared to enter adulthood. hahaha. but, I am very sure that everything is going to be damn fine even though it will be a really rough road and a roller coaster journey. pray for me! 😟

an awkward potato. haha.

today is my first day (unofficially) coming to school. tolong kemas kelas and all. I was awkward cause I am a very social anxious person. tak tau macam mana nak survive. but, it will become better after few months of adjusting myself there. Hrap-harap cikgu sikgu semua faham laa. aaaaaaaaa. nervous. haha.

me on my lapor diri dayy. heee.

All in all, I guess I started my 2022 with a very good start. with a new unbothered me. hoping to mend the broken 2021 imah and mould her into a brand new person. just wanna be me and not allowing anyone entering my life anymore. so, yeah. hope you are going to have a great 2022 too!! may everything be eased for all of us in dunya and akhirah and may our lives be filled with happiness, peace and prosperous health. stay safe and take care everyone. see you soon in the next entry yang tak tau lagi bila. hahah. till then, take care. bais!

Thank you for reading this entry!

5 years - The End

 Assalamualaikum

I know this entry is kind of late, but, nahh. just feeling like this needs to be posted as it is part of my life journey? hehe. So, let's start. :p

Looking back at 5 years ago.

I was the one who didn't even know why I was sitting there, in the IPGKBA main hall, facing all the facis yang tengah marah-marah with no reason. Confused. I even questioned myself (a lot 😂). Why am I taking this course to pursue my study when my passion is maths and accounting. (Note that I get A+ for both of them :p) I don't know how I ended up in IPBA when I thought I screwed up my interview. But, only GOD knows. 

I was that scaredy cat, who was 24/7 anxious. was very scared and timid to even answer my lecturer's simple question. 😂 who will always keep her mouth shut and avoiding any possible eye contact.😝 why? because I don't know how to speak in English. and I don't want to. I was scared. scared of being judged? scared of making mistakes? scared of lecturers? nahh. just scared of everything. heh.

I have sat for MUET thrice. The first one was only band 3. and the 3rd and 4th are band 4. I can say the marks are improving. hehe. but, I still need to get band 5. uhuks.

But, heyy. look at me now. I know I did improve a lotttt. Even though I still have many grammar mistakes here and there, I am more confident in using English. Plus, I only got 3.23 cgpa for my first sem and managed to finish my degree with 3.57. and managed to get anugerah pengarah twice (But only got one sijil. sedih.). Hence, I know. I know I deserve a biggggg pat on my shoulder.😂😂

                                

Happy dah habis. But, there's a lot more out there to explore. heh.

Without strong encouragement and support from friends, lecturers and especially, my family, I would not be able to finish this degree. No kidding. I even thought of leaving IPBA during the first week of orientation. (tapi, sebab taknak pergi bilik kaunseling, and taknak mengaku masa ada lecturer tanya siapa datang sebab parents😂😂)

It was indeed a thrilling 5 years of roller coaster ride. but, all in all, good job dearself. you did a really good job. and I am proud of you. and really really really proud of you.

                          

Wanna know another accidental "achievement"?
I've lost 11kgs. Entered IPBA with 59kgs and left with only 46kgs. hahaha. Let's go through these pics.

2017 me

2018 me

 

2019. Tahun start turun berat mendadak. 

kiri feb, kanan tu Oktober 2020. Beza kan? hehe

2020 me

 
feb and march 2021. takede yang latest. sebab sekarang pun tinggal 45kgs je. uhuks.

Belajar kat IPG is very challenging. because imagineeeeee. you have to finish 30 assignments per semester (in 4 months, tolak exam and cuti sem). yaa. imagine. sebab tu kot kurus. haha. But, I really learn a lottt of thingssssssss. like, a lottttt. and, I had fun. really. It was a fun journey which I will always want to look back and told my cucus (If I have any 😛).

that's all kot. hehe. bai! see you in the next entry😝

Thank you for reading this entry!

Blup Blup Blup Trip 1

Assalamualaikum

Okay. tauu dah lambat sangat ni, tapi, sorry lahh.. saya busy. baru sempat nak mengedit dan upload. heheheh. btw, entry ni dah ditulis dari bulan 10 lepas dah. tapi, tu lahhh. tak dan nak habiskan. hahahahah. so, enjoy okie!!

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hello genk. hehe. sebenarnya kan... banyak gila entry yang tertangguh. birthday laa, praktikum laa, pastu holiday lagi, pastu life in IPBA lagi, eh, macam-macam laa. tapi, nak buat macam mana. tak tersempat nak menaip.  baru separuh, dah kena settle benda lain. last2, macam tu jee jadi draft. hahahahah. 

tapi. harini, nak rant pasal short vacay dengan ummie, syasya dengan ila. hehe. acah macam nak release stress practicum laa. gittewww. okay, jom start!

Actually, we planned this trip a month before we end our practicum. tapi, macam biasa ahh. mula2 tu macam gi tak gi, pergi ke tak pergi. haa gitu. sebab masing-masing busy. tak menyempat nak pikir. awal-awal, imah sebenarnya yang kena cari hotel pesemua tu. tapi, sebab busy dengan observation semua, tak menyempat nak pikir. sempat cari sikit-sikit je. tu pun jumpa yang mahal. so, last2 syasya yang cari. huhu. sorry kawan-kawan sekalian.

oh, btw, you can watch our journey here --> Blup blup blup trip PD - MELAKA

07 SEPTEMBER 2019

kami bertolak around 9.30 macam tu sebab saya lambat. hehe. asalnya, nak gerak pukul 9. tapi, tu lahhh. kita hanya mampu merancang kan? :p  pagi tu, ila bangun and buat breakfast untuk kami. ila buat sandwich sardin. 

ni laa dia. sarapan dalam kereta. 

dalam pukul 10 lebih gitu, sampai dah PD. and we stopped at one random place ni. somewhere in PD. tepi pantai. tapiiiiiii, pantai dia jelus. hujung2 pun dah dalam. orang yang masuk tu pun dah paras pinggang. so, kitorang just ambil gambar je laa kat situ. hehe. after that, we went to find fooddddddd. sebab semua dah kebulur tak makan lunch lagi.

lepas makan, ingatkan nak gi cari mask. tapi syasya tak sihat. sementara nak tunggu pukul 2 gitu untuk check in, singgah jap kat tepi pantai. lepak-lepak baru masuk hotel untuk check in. oh, by the way, hotel yang kami duduk tu namanya Merlin Hotel. kitorang ambil bilik yang 2 single beds and 1 queen bed. sangat selesa sebab boleh golek2 dari hujung ke hujung. hahahahah. dalam bilik tu, ada tv, hair dryer, mugs, kettle. pastu, toilet dia guna toilet duduk and ada water heater. untuk ruang bawah tu, kecik je. so, kalau nak bentang toto ke apa, around 2 orang je kot yang muat.

I lupa nak ambil gambar bilik tu macam mana. sebab sibuk buat video. hehe

lepas check in semua, we decided to rest first. Semua macam penat and nak tido sekejap. tiba-tiba, semua terlajak tido sampai pukul 5.30 p.m. adehhh. lepas bangun, siap2 apa semua, terus gerak gi pantai PD. makan and tengok sunset. hehe.

ni time baru bangun pastu lapar. ehek

okay, malam pulak. malam tak banyak aktiviti pun. sebab namanya pun vacation? hahahah. malam tu just jalan ke pantai cahaya negeri. ambil gambar, makan, repeat. hehe. lepastu, gi TF value mart nak cari mask kat guardian. balik tu, singgah beli nasi goreng kat satu kedai makan ni. pastu balik, tido. basically, this trip memang pasal makan- tido-ambil gambar-repeat. hahahah. vacation betul ni. :p sebenarnya, we planned to go to one of the fun fair kat PD tu. tapi, rupa-rupanya dah habis dah festival tu. bulan 2 haritu. huhuhuhuhu

 

08 SEPTEMBER 2019

Okay, hari kedua.

On this day, we planned to watch sunrise. but, everyone woke up late. so, we just went for a swimming instead. hehe. Around 8.00 a.m, we went to pantai PD. dengan muka sembab masing-masing. ya tuhannnnn. hahahahah.  oh, btw sebelum semua judge, semua period time ni sebab tu bangun lambat. eheh :p 

Before sampai laut tu, syasya stopped at this random stall to buy nasi lemak and we ate that for our breakfast by the beach. sumpahhh best. haihhh. how i wish i can do this kind of activity everyday. The wave sound was soooooo calming. Makan, pastu dengar bunyi ombak, dengan angin sepoi-sepoi je gitu. Haihhhh seronok teruk!!! And, we also built sandcastle, playing game apa tah nama dia tu and many moreeee. sorry for all the bahasa-rojak. I can't resist it tho. huhu.

lepas mandi-mandi tu gerak balik hotel, mandi pesemua pastu checkout and gerak ke Melaka. eheh.

yang part Melaka ni aku tak bagitau ibu dengan baba awal-awal sebab masa nak bagitau tu dua-dua tengah busy mensyuarat. tangguh punya tangguh pastu lupa nak bagitau. Time dah otw balik baru bagitau. HAHAHAHAHA. ampunn.

otw ke Melaka tu, kitorang singgah kat kedai makan ni untuk lunch. WEH SUMPAH SEDAP!! makan daging salai masak lemak cili api. SEDAP GILA. SUMPAHHHH. TOLONGLAH PERCAYA!!!

ni haaa!! Wagheh Salai

haihh nikmattt

Pastu, kat Melaka, tak de laa banyak sangat pun tempat pergi. Mula-mula gi Klebang, pastu terus ke jonker walk. round-round situ. pastu balik IPBA. heheh

alaaa.. malas laah nak type. tengok gambar je boleh? 😂😂😂

aaaa rindu kuih nii. tapi, tak boleh lawan kuih keria antarabangsa. tapi sedap jugakk!!!

Ni kat klebanggg. Takdak apa pun kat Klebang. Tak yah pi ada foodtruck jeee.

Sampai-sampai je terus gambar. 😛😛

ni time otw cari masjid. sebab tak solat lagi. ehehehehe

cantik wehhh masjid dia. banyak kali dahh jejak melaka tapi tak pernah sampai masjid nii

Jalan-jalan jumpa tempat cantik. pastu kena buat apa kawan-kawan??? Ambik gambar laa 😜😜

kat sini ada cerita best. tengah duk jalan-jalan, tiberrr jumpa crush instagram😭😭😭

hensem terukkkk. aaaaaaaa. okay diam

eee sayanggg laa 3 ketul niiii

acacah sikit. ehehehehe

Tengoklah muka bahagia dua ketul belah kanan tu sebab dapat naik becaaa. HAHAHAHAH

Cantik kann malam-malamm

Sebelum balik tu, pi singgah family mart beli makanan semua. pastu, balikkk. ehehehe. haihhhh. rindu pulakk

 

Okay thats the end of our trip. ehehehehehe

Thank you for reading this entry!